I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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