every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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