**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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