What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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