I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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