i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
