just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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