I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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