Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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