Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
