Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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