I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
