I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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