I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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