he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize