i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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