I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
