A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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