dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
