I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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