Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
