Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
