Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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