Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
