just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
