haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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