Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
