the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His nipple licking is glorious
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