saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
