I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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