That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
