So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Banned from zoo.
Again?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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