We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
