I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
