I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
