I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
