She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
