i don't like sucking hair
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
