biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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