I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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