did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize