News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
