She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
