worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
