Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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