he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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