ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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