i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
