I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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