we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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