I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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