Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
