And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
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Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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