Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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