I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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