Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
