Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
they're like a gay fantastic four
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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