so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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